Dead Tanner's Society
by emeralddusk
Summary: Stephanie's family video shows the family's dark side.


Full House

Dead Tanner's Society

_It was an ordinary day in San Francisco, and the Tanners were about to start their days as usual. Little did they know that today would change their lives, forever!_

Danny was sitting in the kitchen when he was interrupted by the many other people in his house. "No, no! It wasn't a dream, I do have all these people in my house." Moaned Danny.

"Dad, we have a problem." Said Stephanie, who by now was fifteen and a sophomore.

"I know, look at all the freakin' people in my house. I used to have only five. Who knew your mom's death would add four more people to this house."

"Still making mom jokes hu?" Said Stephanie.

"So, there's nothing we can do about this problem." Said Danny sadly.

"No, that's not what my problem was." Said Steph.

"Ha, we all got problems, and there are way too many people in this house to focus on just you!" Yelled Jesse. "I got a problem for ya, I got a job to do the governor's hair, and I can't find my car keys."

"Well, when was the last time you saw your keys?" Asked Rebecca.

"The last time I was driving, so seven months ago!" Said Jesse madly.

"Ha, I was only trying to help." Said Rebecca who wasn't focusing on anything except for her hair.

"Well, where were you driving to?" Asked D.J.

"I don't know, to the store to buy a 3-D comb, so I could comb the front, back, and sides of my hair at the same time. It didn't work."

"Well, maybe your keys are at the store." Said Danny.

"Great, I'll drive there right now." Said Jesse as he got up.

"How ya gonna do that?" Asked Steph.

"Duh, with my ca, oh." Said Jesse. "Eh, I'll walk there, if I don't find the keys I don't know what I or the governor will do."

"Where's Joey?" Asked D.J.

"Ha, anybody remember me?" Asked Steph.

"What do you want!" Yelled Danny.

"I have this big problem. My teacher wants me to make a documentary on my family."

"You call that a problem? Ha. Look at all these people in my house, there's a problem for ya!" Yelled Danny.

"It's a problem, because it's due the day after tomorrow!" Yelled Steph.

"Okay you win." Said Danny.

"So you all have to be here tomorrow so we can shoot this stupid thing." Said Steph.

"What do we have to do for it?" Asked Rebecca.

"I don't do nudity, unless it's essential to the script, or at least in it, or related to it. I won't do it unless I'm naked." Said Jesse.

"All you have to do is be yourself." Said Steph.

"All right, how do I do that?" Asked D.J. "I'll need at least three hours to do my make-up, write lines to make myself seem better, and come up with a completely different personality. Steph, I'm gonna need a week."

"Fine, you're out." Said Steph.

"Alright, I'll be ready with the new personality by tomorrow."

"Just be yourself!" Yelled Steph.

"Ya ya." Said the whole family.

The next day, the family was sitting in the house getting ready for the video when Joey walked into the house. "Ha, I got caught up in the rush hour traffic. What did I miss?"

"I lost my keys, now I won't be able to do the governor's hair. I looked at the store where I bought the 3-D comb..."

"Did that wor..." Started Joey.

"Nope. I don't know what I'll do now." Said Jesse.

"If you walked all the way to the store, can't you just walk to the governor's house?" Asked Rebecca.

"No, the governor's gonna think I'm a loser if he sees me, walking up to his house. Plus I might get sweaty, and I can't meet the governor sweaty, let alone do his hair. Think Joey!" Yelled Jesse as he smacked Joey in the back of the head.

"Oh, and Steph is doing a documentary on the family, just be yourself." Said Danny who was wearing a black jacket and a white button down shirt.

"Okay, are you ready?" Asked Steph.

"Ya. Whatever." Said the family.

"Okay, and, action." Said Steph as she turned on the camera and it filmed. "Hi, I'm Stephanie Tanner, and this is my, normal family, doing things the way they always do."

"Hi, I'm Danny Tanner, and, I am an actor, I have been an actor my whole life, since I was 26, fourteen years ago, when I got a job on, well, you'll see." Said Danny as he sat on the couch. Joey then walked in and sat on Danny, on the couch, and turned on the T.V. "Joey, what the hell are you doing?"

"Don't yell at me! People have been yelling at me all day!" Yelled Joey. "And I hate when people yell at me! It makes me, it makes me, ah, ah!" Screamed Joey as he ran around tearing things off the wall and throwing logs at Danny from the fireplace.

"Ah!" Yelled Danny. "You're getting ash all over the floor! It's gonna take a super vacuum to get all this out, ah, ah!" Yelled Danny as he fell on the floor and rolled around.

"Some actor hu?" Said Joey. "He acts like he's mentally insane, or is it acting?"

Rebecca then walked in dressed like Vivian Leigh from Gone With the Wind. "Hello family, isn't this a lovely day?" She said in a fake southern accent.

"Not while I'm around!" Yelled Joey as he threw a log at Rebecca and she fell down the stairs.

"Oh, my back! Joey why would you do that to me!" Demanded Rebecca.

"Because I am tired of people yelling at me. Maybe one day when people decide to respect me, then they can enjoy their lives!" Yelled Joey.

"Along with being a professional acotr, I also am a great banker. I have memorized the interest rate at every bank in California. I have a list here." Said Danny as he pulled out his list. "Burbank, 2.58, San And..." Started Danny as Joey threw another log at him. "Ah! Oh it hurts, why, why? Why me a banker, and actor? I don't diserve this! I diserve a six story house, with nobody in it, and rooms that I never have time to go in, because I'm an actor, and don't have time to appreciate the things I buy. Why!"

Jesse then slammed the door into the wall and started screaming. "Ah why you ah ah! I'll take a bat to the side of your head!" He yelled as he grabbed Joey and threw him onto the couch. He tried to throw the couch over, he did, but he threw his back out. "Oh my back! How could you act like such a bitch! Ah ra ha ha ah!" He yelled as he threw pictures off their frames and used the frames to scratch up the walls.

"Hello family." Said D.J as she walked in and was dressed like a tramp.

"Ah! A harlette!" Yelled Joey who was dressed as Jack the Ripper and took out his gun, began shooting and hit Danny.

"Ah!" Yelled Danny as he fell on the floor and rolled around. "It hurts! You hit me! D.J's the harlette! She diserved it. Not me, the actor! Ah! And banker!"

"Ha, look at how clean these plates are." Said Rebecca with a plate in her hand. "You can see yourself in it."

"Lu!" Said Joey as he licked it.

"That's what I get for showing off." Said Rebecca as she busted the plate on his head and used the pieces to cut Danny.

"Ah!" Yelled Danny as he took a log and smacked Rebecca across the face with it.

"Ha that's my game." Said Joey as he took the couch and set it on fire and threw Danny on it and wrestled with him on it as their skin and hair burned.

"Ra ha ha!" Screamed Jesse as he took the borometer and beat the two on the heads with it.

"Jesse, I do declare..." Started Rebecca.

"Ah! Just sit there bitch while I ah!" Yelled Jesse as he smached her head into the hall and beat her back with the flaming borometer. He then threw it at D.J and she fell on the floor.

"Ah!" Yelled Danny as he took a flaming cushion and threw it at Jesse.

"Ah! You bitch! Take a bat to the side of your head! Ah!" Yelled Jesse as he pushed Danny on the couch and he caught fire to. He continued to beat them with the borometer.

"So, that's my family. Acting the way they normally do." Narrated Steph.

"Ah! How could you act like such a bitch!" Yelled Jesse.

"So, if you want somebody who cares about you, no matter how much of a bitch you are, call the Tanners. They'll give you a bat to the side of the head."

"Ah! You bitch! I'll take a bat to the side of your head! Ah! Sit there and bat you head bitch! Ah ah!" Screamed Jesse.

"What the f***." Said Stephanie's teacher as he watched the video.

**THE END**


End file.
